dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
