im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
