he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
