The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
