I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
