Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
