Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
