Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
