My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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