Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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