Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
