I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
