Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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