9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
