i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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