Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
