He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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