he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
