No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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