If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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