The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
