Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
