is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
