You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have already put on my inside pants.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
