He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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