you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
