My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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