Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
