my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
