My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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