Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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