Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
