youre lurking in front of me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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