I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
