You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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