just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
