We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
