What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
