I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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