Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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