The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
