Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
