Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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