Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
