the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
