Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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