my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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