How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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