at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
