Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
