I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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