When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
