You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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