Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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