So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
