i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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