I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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