Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
