i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
