We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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