check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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