He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
