i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
