the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
