ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.