sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.