I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize