i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision