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• (760): View more from California

  i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.

  Fav 5 847 1975

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• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.

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• (530): View more from California

  I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.

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• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"

  (682): View more from Texas

  God please dont post that to facebook.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel

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• (425): View more from Washington

  It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision

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