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you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
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