i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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