we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
