i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God, I missed his penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
